So I was in Ottawa yesterday. Bought a new lens. After all these years, finally spent the gift cards to Henry’s my brother bought me. Picked up Fuji 35mm. (spectacular lens, played with it when I got home) After buying the lens, I went to a bar on Bank street for a celebratory beer and to text my sister for a visit. Got a call at the bar from Marco. Everything went wrong at work. The plan had been one paper Thursday then focus on the ads for next weeks papers. Thursday became a tablet edition too. Now Friday is making three papers. WTF.
So I calmed Marco down on the phone. Thing is I had already agreed he could take Friday off. In my head there would be little to do and Carl would be fine. So Marco keeps his day off. Unburdens the stress. And I drink it all in with my beer.
Haven’t slept all night. This nagging feeling like it would go to shit at work. I know it’s too much for one infography. I’ll need to go in. Now it’s Friday morning. 8:50. I finally gave up on sleep. Have some coffee brewing. Cig burning. Fighting the impulse to say fuck it and just walk out cleanly. One thing is clear. I cannot continue there. No sleep, and this much stress, on my vacation. At a time when it’s known I’m questioning whether I’ll stay there. This job is not for me. My resignation will not be resined.
It sucks, cause I think I could be effective. I do know and love newspapers, for the power that they convey, and do see a future for us in digital media. I think I know how to make it grow. But I cannot stand to work for a communications company that can’t communicate with employees. A company that is so badly managed they withhold key pieces of information like a deadline from the people charged with implementing it.
It was not well explained to me what where the requirements for this week. Just like so many times before, I’m tasked to operate with partial truths and all out lies. And Bert wants me to take on additional responsibilities under the guise of production manager, all the while operating under an impossible mess of miss communication. No thanks.
I’m leaving. I’m done with this mess. I will miss the people. I’ve made some good friends there, and I do enjoy working with the people. But the structural problems, beginning at the very top with Bert and his inability to see beyond the $ to see his own bad management is what’s bringing this company down. How he can take a person like me. So talented and capable and smart and just waste it. Never help me see my full potential. Just to sit down, shut up and eat his shit.
I’d rather flip burgers at McDonald’s. Or mow peoples lawns. Snow clearance might be fun. Who knows, maybe I’ll get into ebikes. Or do a few odd design jobs here and there. Kinda getting back into photography. Enjoying learning about wordpress. The social media kick is kinda fun. Instagram mostly now. Little tweet. Bit of Facebook. Maybe I live my life in pursuit of the things that interest me. And end marching to another mans beat.
Today, time matters. I don’t wish to spend anymore of it in waisted effort. Right now work is the big problem. It’s so much stress, so much responsibility yet so little power to affect change. I must just get out, as I was sure of last month. And if I’m honest with myself, what I’ve know for a few years. EAP is not the place for me.
I suppose next steps are in order.
First up, should build a portfolio of past work. Should be relativity straightforward to pull some examples from past editions. It’s all published online.
At some point, will adjust this site to showcase work. Might bury the blog to another section, or possibly to other wordpress site. Not sure though. I want future endevours to be based upon honesty with me.
A part of this site is building that about me. What I publish is the truth. It will affect some potential employers, but I suspect I wouldn’t want to work there. If I do work for another, I want them to know me. How I think. How I do think. How I don’t enjoy being mistreated. Or undervalued for the contributions I bring. I think the only reason Bert doesn’t want to lose me is because I’m cheap. He knows it would cost him a lot more to get the same level from others. I’m thinking 2-3 new hires to replace me.
He won’t hire additionally though. I’m betting he’ll promote Marco to my old position, maybe hire another infography, and watch and wonder why his empire crumbles while he counts every penny. I give it six months to a year before the company really starts to cave. Gone in five.
Such a shame really. There is so much wasted potential there. So many dead trees, such economic and environmental outlay for what? A rag people don’t even read. Something that rarely leaves it’s bag on the trip to the recycling bin. It rubbish. We shit on the masses. Instead of celebrating and nurturing the power a large publication can bring. Close to 100000 copies printed and delivered each week. The enormous amount of work required to get there. All for a disinterested readership. They tuned out years ago. And we haven’t managed to bring them back.
Because we stopped caring.